How are you doing?

i used to hate
when someone 
asked me 
“how are you doing?”

neurotypicals decided
that’s how we say hi
but it plunges me into
low grade panic
every time

how quickly can i
describe the eleven things
i’ve done and felt and thought
in the past hour or so

but i keep learning
they don’t want to
actually hear that

they want me to say
doing good

and i die inside
because that can never
capture how i’m 
actually doing

my brain interprets
that response
as a lie

my skin crawls
i feel like a fraud
it’s disingenuous

but today my beloved
asked how my day was going
and i said, pretty good
because maybe that can
mean something different now

if good is about better 
nervous system regulation
then yes, i’m doing good

today good looked like
reading a book and unloading groceries
tears and deep processing
answering work email and walking the dog
feeling some grief and shimmer energy
about a new project

it’s still a roller coaster sometimes

but my nervous system doesn’t
get stuck in fight or flight 
for days on end anymore

i welcome the activation
and agitation because
i know how to respond now

how to love me whole
how to listen six layers deep
how to bow to the parts of me
who never thought 
they’d see the glorious light
of this life

yes, i’m doing good

Invitations

• Where in your life have you learned to give socially acceptable answers instead of honest ones? What does that cost your nervous system over time?
• The poem reframes “doing good” as nervous system safety, self-attunement, and the capacity to stay present with activation. How would you define “doing good” in this season of your life?
• The poem names healing not as becoming calm all the time, but as learning “how to respond now.” What helps you return to yourself when you feel overwhelmed, activated, or disconnected?