Before curiosity

when you can’t find
anything familiar
to orient yourself to
what does it mean to
begin again?

to find new pieces of ground
to stop looking back
for what is normal
and instead
to ask for new eyes
to create an entirely new life?

it seems i could
knock myself senseless
against this concrete 
wall of my old life 
that refuses to give

but then i am simply
recreating a version
of myself that feels
too much like the past

every part of my life
is forcing me into
a new reckoning

i hate this
i want to be curious
but i’m not yet there